Grandma's passing

Grandma passed this morning a little bit after 3am. One of my aunts called mom this morning right after she was pronounced. Still waiting on word from mom when we would have the burial. Plus, we have to have her body transported back. Will update as soon as I know.

Grandma's Health

Well, Grandma's health has declined even more. Hospice is now involved. A nurse is going to see her today, I asked the nurse to call me after she sees Grandma to give an update. Its nice having an outside person giving me accurate info. I found out which Hospice is taking care of her by chance almost. I figured since her Doctors were with Providence Hospital, maybe the Hospice would be too. Turns out I was right! HAHA.

I asked who was listed as the POA and the gal I was talking to replied it was my aunt. At that point, I said "Um no its not my aunt. Would you like me to send a copy of the POA form that is currently in place?" They couldn't take an email copy, so now I am meeting up with mom for lunch to take her the paperwork so my mom can send it over. So, gonna head out soon to do that.

My aunt had wanted mom to go over there this weekend since it is Grandma's bday on Saturday. My other aunt from CA is gonna be there too this weekend. After looking at the big picture about all the factors involved, mom decided not to go. She just cant afford it, none of us can. Its also not worth the stress of being over there right now. Our stress levels are way to high to even deal with them.

Busy Busy

Wow! I cant believe Oct is here. Have had lots going on. Been working as a nurse, relaxing from school. Found out yesterday that Grandma has had a lot more pain and been unable to eat much. Shes lost about 13lbs since I was there over Labor day weekend. Moms gonna be heading over there the 22nd of Oct for a Dr's appt on the 23rd. I'm unable to go since I work and have clinical on the weekend. Rumor has it that they found more cancer in her intestines. So we will see what the Dr's have to say at the next appt.

On a plus note tho, I just took my LPN boards. I have to wait till like Monday or Tues of next week to get the unofficial results. I was out of there in about an hr. LOL I'm hoping I pass. After I was done there, I popped in to see mom at her work. I caught her at the start of her lunch break. Had a good visit with her. Ooops gotta go take out chicken for dinner.

Break!

WOOHOOO!!! Finally a break in classes for more than a week. We dont go back until Sept 21st. I am so glad for the break even though Ive had a hard time figuring what to do with myself. *takes a deep breathe and relaxes* gee I almost forgot what that felt like.

Update on Grandma

Well mom just called me from the coast. She was able to find out more information about grandma. About 2 weeks ago, Grandma was complaining of pain and being short of breath so my aunt took her in. At that time she put on steroids and antibiotics. After grandma was done with the antibiotics, she still complained of some pain. There was a CT done and those showed that Grandma had 3 fractured ribs. Not sure what caused them really.

Grandma is having a bone scan later this week to determine if there is cancer in her bones. The radiologist saw that Grandma's lesions on her liver had grown almost doubled in size and there were more lesions on her liver. The prognosis is about 6mo -1yr for her. She also made it very clear to my aunt that she didn't want any further treatment. Just pain management.

She is taking a pain medication as well, which is good. Mom didn't know the name if it, but she was going to find out for me. For the most part Grandma seems comfortable. I talked to her on the phone earlier today. Other than asking me a couple questions a couple times, she seemed up beat and having a good time with her girls there.

Nutty!

Wow 4 weeks done already of 4Th quarter. Its going by so fast! I don't feel like Ive learned a whole lot though. Its like cram info in then throw it all out to make room for the next set of info coming in. So far, I'm passing my classes, not as well as my other classes but still passing.

Was working out my schedule for next month with my boss, at first she couldn't guarantee me very many hours but all total I got 9 days for the month working as a nursie! WOOT.. That's better than nothing. I have to wait until we get closer to Sept before I get any hours and I need to know my class schedule for Fall quarter too. It helps her put me somewhere in all of that without throwing everyone else's schedules off.

Grandma

Well, we surprised the crap out of my aunt by showing up at Grandma's Oncology appt today. HAHAA! Yesterday before we left, mom had said she felt like she was lowering herself to my aunts level and being sneaky, so she called after we got to the hotel like at 830 or something like that and left a message on my aunts cell phone. Well, my aunt never got the message. She told us that she doesn't carry it with her since my cousins are back on their base in Germany. HA like I believe that one. She wasn't too happy that we even knew about the appt.

Grandma doesn't look all that bad, just tired n kinda pale. My aunt looked very tired. The medication my aunt decided to try my grandma on isn't so much a chemo drug, its to kinda stop it from progressing since liver cancer is very painful. She goes in for a check up next month to see how shes handling it then a few weeks or so after that they will do another scan to see if the drug has done its thing. There's a very good chance that the cancer wont respond and keep growing. If that's the case or there is no change in the cancer (it doesn't shrink) we are gonna push to have it stopped.

The Alzheimer's meds though do seem to be helping even though she asked us repeatedly what we were doing there LOL. I wish I took a picture of my Aunts face when she saw us sitting there waiting for them. It was priceless.

Overall the trip was pretty good. I just hate sitting in the car for that long LOL. It was beautiful on the drive over. Then last night it started raining about midnight and drizzled ever since. We got to some blue skies after Ellensburg but an occasional down poor.

Whew

Ok I am soooo ready for this week off. Grades were finally posted, 2 classes I wasn't worried about but one I definitely was worried about final grades for spring quarter are IV- 92%, Psych Nursing - 94%, and OB - 93%. So that gives me a 3.6 GPA for the quarter woot

Of course the IV instructors threw out 2 questions on the final.. so whew I am sooo glad to be done with all that this quarter. Next quarter is gonna suck, we have 8 weeks to get all the info into our brains. And not to mention the 12 hr clinical days.

dream or past life?

The day has barely begun, when she packs some dried meats and cheese, along with some bread in a pack. Today is the day he's been called to duty. It's the day they have been dreading. She calls on all the strength she has to keep herself calm and collected. She takes a deep breath, picks up the pack and walks out the door onto the porch. She stood watching him, taking in every inch, not knowing when she would see him again.

As if he felt her eyes on him, he turned to face her. She sees the shadows under his eyes, knowing they both didn't get much sleep during the night. Slowly, he walks toward her, extending his hand. Smiling, she takes his hand and gives it a squeeze. Taking the pack from her, he sets it on the ground then takes her into his arms. Willingly she goes, leaning against him for a moment.

"You better go." She whispers as she leans away to look up into his face.

"I know." He replies. He leans down and presses his lips against her forehead for a moment. With a sigh, he bends down to pick the pack up, then walks over to his horse and secures the pack.

He turns and looks once more at the home they had made in such a short time. Trying to drink in every last bit of it before he rode off to his duty.

"I'll be home as soon as I can." He says quickly. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She whispers, fighting back the tears. "Come back to me."

With that he mounts his horse and begins to ride away. He cant bear himself to look back. He couldn't bear to see her face as he rode away not knowing if he would come back.

She watches him get farther away until she cant see him any longer. Feelings were rushing through her so quickly, she couldn't identify them all. She was sure some were anger, dread and mostly overwhelming sadness. She went about her daily chores as always.

Days passed to weeks, weeks passed to months and months to years. She hadn't heard anything from him. She wondered if he was alright. Part of her hoped he would come riding down the lane back to her. Part of her doubted he would ever be coming back.

Two years almost to the day of his departure, a rider came into town bearing the colors of the King's army. He said he had a list of all the dead and wounded. The townspeople gathered round him, asking about their loved ones and men of town that had gone off to war. Someone asked about her beloved. The man searched his list for a moment then replied, "His name is here under the killed in battle list, I'm sorry."

This person then went to the little cottage just outside of town to tell her the news. After hearing the words come, she sat heavily in the kitchen chair. She didn't hear any sound as she sat in complete shock. She felt completely disconnected from the world around her as her mind and heart tried to process the news. The visitor left without her noticing, closing the door behind them.

She surfaced from her grief and shock and put herself to work. "He would not want me to wallow," She said to herself. "All I have is time to heal." She made her choice to keep on living, creating the home they both had dreamed of. Even after the news of his death, she half expected and hoped that he would come riding down that lane back to her.

Weeks passed before she had a visitor, a man. A man from town that she knew. He befriended her, gained her trust, then asked her if he could court her. She reluctantly agreed. Her heart wasn't quite in to starting over again.

"Can I ask for your hand in marriage?" He asked one night after supper.

"I don't know if I'm ready for that step yet." She replied, looking down into her wine glass.

"It's been almost four years now." He burst out angrily. "How can you be holding onto a ghost still?"

"I can't give you something that I don't have." She replied calmly. "I'd rather tell you, no, than live a lie."

"I guess that's my answer then." He whispered through clenched teeth. She only nodded in response. He grabbed his hat off the hook and said, "I could have given you a good life, but now we'll never know."

She sat in silence a moment before gathering up the dishes and walking them over the sink. She just left them for the night, she didn't have the energy to wash them. Slowly, she readied for bed, blew out the candle and crawled in to lay on her husbands side of the bed. She slept dreamlessly that night.

Weeks later, she could see wagons pass by on the main road going to town. She shrugged it off as travelers in a fairly large party and went about her business. She noticed the birds were strangely quiet as the day grew. Just after noon, she thought she heard the sound of marching feet on the ground. A sense of dread washed through her as she realized they were coming for her. See this was the era of the witch trials.

All she thought of was fleeing. She ran out the back of her cottage towards the forests that had always given her comfort. She heard shouts coming from behind her as they realized she was no longer inside. Her heart beat faster as she heard running footsteps behind her. She pushed her legs to carry her farther and faster.

"Stop! In the name of the Church, I said stop!" A voice shouted at her. She came to a stop a moment later, her legs no longer able to run. She fought to draw air into her lungs. When she was calmer, she slowly turned around to face the voice that had shouted at her.

Her breath caught as she saw most of the townsfolk had also followed the handful of strangers that had come to town. She drew herself up straight and proud before these strangers and her townsfolk. The man that seemed to be the leader of the group then spoke.

"We received an accusation that there was a witch practicing here." The man said, watching her face very carefully. "We had a nice talk with the townsfolk about you, Miss."

"It's Madame, if you please." She replied. "And what all did you talk about?"

"How you conjure up potions and pawn them off on these innocent people for laughs." He replied. "That you use these potions to bewitch the people of this town to do your bidding."

"Funny you should have a conversation about me and I'm not even there." She said sarcastically.

"We didn't want your presence being an influence on these poor people that you've taken advantage of all these years."

"I was born and raised here. These people know me very well." She defended herself.

"Yes, that's true. But then its also why your behaviors have gone on as long as they have." He replied. "I have all the evidence I need to convict you here and now."

"What?" She asked, horrified.

"Don't worry, my dear. Your punishment will be swift."

"Who was the accusation issued by?"

"One by the name of Ichabod." He replied slowly just giving the first name. Deep down she already knew who it had been that accused her of being a witch. She went numb from her head to her feet. Betrayal of the worst kind this was.

The man gave a signal to the other men to move closer with the ropes. They tied her to the nearest tree then moved back towards the townsfolk standing there. "As punishment for your crimes, you will burn. Of course, there is a chance you could be saved by converting to Christianity and repenting for your sins."

"No, thank you." She replied, breathing deeply, trying to slow her racing heart.

"Very well then." He nodded then walked over to another man holding a lit torch. "Any last words?"

"I am so sorry that you all have been put to this because of fear. I could curse you all, but I wont." She said steadily. "Ichabod, is rejection really worth killing over? Because this is what its boiled down to. I don't think any of you will forget this day. The Gods be with you all, Blessed Be!"

The stranger then lit the kindling at the woman's feet, setting it ablaze. Even though tears ran down her face, she did not cry out with pain as the flames licked her flesh. In her minds eye, she saw her husband waiting for her. She went to death knowing peace and love awaited.

Blah

Everyone I know was kind of blah today. Some think its the weather since it was so nice then it was yukky today. But hey we got some much needed rain. Thank the Gods for it. It got the dust down and pollen. I seriously debated skipping class today but with it being so close to finals I didn't, but man, class did drag on. I think part of the reason I dragged was I had a super busy weekend.

On Sat, mom and I switched out her mattress set for the spare one Grandma had. We also took Grandma's and moms old set to the dump along with a few other things. Then we went shopping at Walmart. We spent lots of money LOL. That's usually how it goes when her and I go shopping. Then I did homework on a paper that's due tomorrow. Then on Sunday, I had to work. Also mom sprayed and bombed for bugs. We've had huge problems with bugs, spiders, etc this year already. So when I got home from work at 6:30pm she was still cleaning, so I grabbed a dish cloth n started drying dishes. It was like 8pm by the time we got done with just the kitchen. She got such a late start because my brother didn't get up till noon. Blech stupid boys. She warned him she wanted to get going as early as possible. I was wiped out last night. Of course we broke open a bottle of wine too. WOOT a cleaning party! LOL!

Today after class, I came home to finish working on my homework assignment and cant find the damn thing anywhere on my puter besides what I had emailed to myself. I had almost all of it done too! I had to redo the forms that my instructor wanted. If we have nice handwriting she would have taken it handwritten, but I didn't want to take any chances because mine can be kinda crappy, just like my typing skills LOL. So I had to spend the afternoon redoing the forms and what I had filled in. I thought what I had done on the other was better but hey when your tired and cant remember what ya put, ya gotta improvise. But that is finally done. I swear if they want us to use a form they posted they better make it to where we can enter in the info instead of redoing the whole thing. It just downright sucked!

One week till finals then I get a bit of a break before going back WOOT WOOT! and I am not working that much. I picked up 4 days of my break to work. I am not doing the same thing I did for spring break and work 7 out of 10 days. It didn't feel like a break when I did that. I made sure I have more days to myself where I can be lazy!!

Found out Grandma has stage IV liver cancer, too. My aunts are thinking treatment to prolong her life, but mom and I are leaning against it. I finally had a chance to sit down and read the POA and Living Will forms my Grandma did years ago. Grandma had said in the Living Will that she didn't want to be treated if she was diagnosed with a terminal illness. And the one Dr she saw says its stage IV which is considered terminal and gave Grandma like 1-2 yrs left on her life. We need to get a 2nd opinion on how bad it is. Even if this 2nd Dr doesn't agree, we still don't see a reason to treat. Shes 84 yrs old. We think about what the medication may do to Grandma. The medication alone may react badly and totally debilitate her. We just want to make Grandma as comfortable as possible. We noticed cognitive changes in Grandma last year during radiation treatment for lung cancer. We treated that because it was caught super early and Grandma mostly had her mind at that point. But by Oct of last yr Grandma couldn't even remember having radiation treatments. So we dint think she will react very well to chemo treatments at this point. I also got Grandma on the waiting list for placement where I work. Its close to home where we can keep an eye on her without us worrying about being there constantly.

Laptop

Finally, got my laptop back from the shop today. The screen they ordered for it didn't work. They said it was either the video card or the motherboard causing a problem. I can however hook it up to an external monitor, which I've got it hooked up now. I'm in the process of running some programs that would require the video card to be active on it to see. I was thinking, it could be where the LCD panel is supposed to hook to the motherboard, which then the motherboard is pretty screwed then. But hey if I can get it to run on an external monitor for a while before I have to buy a new one, then great! And another plus, they didn't charge for the work or labor fee, mostly because they have had it almost a month, woohoo!!!

Yippie

Passed IV therapy midterm. She finally posted the grades after 8pm. Whew I'm glad that's done though. The test took me the whole class period which that doesn't happen, but I was being super careful on the math and making sure I have everything in the problems. We also had to fill out this time strip with a whole bunch of stuff too. I wonder if everyone got a chance to finish, I was the 3rd one to leave the test and it was about time for class to be over. I'll find out later if they actually finished it or not. Whew now I can rest a few days before getting busy on psych.

Woot woot

Had my OB final today, I passed YIPPEEEE! One class down a few dozen more to go LOL. Of course she had to have questions pertaining to the info that just didn't stick in my head no matter what I did to try and remember it. Maybe I'll go see her on Wed to see which ones I missed. We start the psych portion tomorrow. I also have a test in IV therapy tomorrow, so soon I better get to studying on that.

I called the puter place today to see if my laptop was ready but turns out some how the part didn't get ordered. The guy I talked to thought he remembered talking to me around the 28Th and me telling him to go ahead and order the part, but someone either didn't order it or he forgot to tell them to order it. Either way its going on 3 and a half weeks since I first took it in. I want my laptop back! I didn't have this much trouble when I took the desktop tower in last year. I think I had it back within a week. Bah! slow people!!

This weekend started off busy. On Friday, I had clinicals from 6am-1pm, then had to head to Grandma's house to help mom get things organized, then mom and I went to see Celtic Woman in concert. So it was like after 11pm before we got to bed that night. I was one tired puppy. The concert was amazing, we had such a great time. Sat and Sun, I didn't do much other than study and nap. OMG I was so tired those days and it was so beautiful out. On Sat, my uncle and cousin showed to take some of Grandma's things back to the coast with them, that's why we had spent so much time at Grandma's on Fri. My mom asked my cousin to be her eyes and ears over there since he lives relatively close. All mom gets when she asks how things are is its going fine. We'll we know damn well it isn't all that fine.

Mom called over to my aunts house on Sunday to wish them a Happy Mothers day and had a great surprise. Come to find out Grandma had been admitted to the hospital on Friday. Did anyone tell us? Noooooo. My mom let my aunt have it. We always called my aunts about appointments and hospital visits, but my aunt doesn't seem to think the same courtesy is needed. My aunt tried to say that we never called until after the fact. Ummm, we always called that night of the hospital visits to give them updates. Most of the time we are more concerned with grandma getting stable and figuring out what is going on to make phone calls. And as far as appointments are concerned, we always call and let them know what appointments are coming up and with who and we call the night of the appointment to tell them how it went and what not.

Since grandma has gone to live with my aunt, we aren't kept up on Doctors, appointments, hospital visits or anything like that. There have been a bunch of other things that we haven't liked either going on, but some of it there's not much we can do without starting WWIII and we don't want to do that. *bangs head on desk* ahh that feels a bit better LOL. Now got a bit of a headache brewing but that's ok.

Ugh

Crappy weather, crappy feelin, crappy all the way around LOL. Took yesterday and today just to kinda veg n relax after the stress of school. It was probably the best thing with the mood I was in yesterday. Just down right grumpy, yes I said grumpy. And that doesn't happen all that often.

Now I have my nurse tech license that Ive been waiting for. It came in early last week, but sadly where I work has no openings for me. There are too many staff and not enough hours. Now, I have the dilemma of what I want to do. Do I want to go somewhere else? Or do I want to stay? I think I'm going to stay where I am for now. If I really think about it, if I go somewhere else, I have to learn everyone there, all the protocols, etc. I don't think that would be such a good choice for me right now. So, I'll stay where I am in hopes that some time in the near future some hours will open up for me. All I can do is cross my fingers.

On a somewhat funny note, someone I had broken ties with a few months ago is still in touch with a friend of mine. She tells me when he messages her n what it says.. I being the smart ass I am said "I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks I'm gonna break down n contact him". Well, later that night, this person Im'd my friend and said "Well, I see she is still not talking to me". Of course my friend told me this and I just laughed.

Computer problems still plague me. I had taken my laptop into the shop almost 2 weeks ago. Either the screen had gone out or something was majorly wrong with the HD. What had happened was I had dropped a book, a big book, on the laptop below the keyboard area next to the touch mouse pad and the screen like went poof. So they finally called me a couple days ago and said I needed a new LCD screen. Which I'm so hoping that's all that's wrong with it. Seems kind of odd that dropping a book on that area would knock the LCD screen out but who knows. Tomorrow will mark the 2 weeks that its been at the shop, hopefully I get it back soon since its got all my school stuff on it.

Brr

What in the world happened to our nice weather??? Today wasn't so bad but I could have lived without the wind.

Finally grades were posted for the quiz we had. Of course they were posted after I went to bed. LOL that just figures. Did good like I had hoped. I know there are a few people that are just so shocked about the way I react just to a passing grade. Well its hard for me sometimes to do well, so anytime I do, I'm super happy about it. I'm not stupid by any means, I just don't generally test well.

So far so good as far as grades go, but then we are super early in the quarter. We will see how the rest of it goes.

Long day!!

The day starts out with my puter giving me fits as usual. Then I check the State website to see if the Nurse Tech application has gone through. IT HAS!!! YAY!! It was only pending forever and a day it seemed. So I head to school a little earlier then usual for a Tues, and I swear there must be a sign on my bumper that says "Go ahead screw with my day" I was almost hit a few times. UGH! But luckily when I get to school, I find a very decent parking spot. I went inside to study a bit before class, I forgot that the Job fair was today, so the building was crawling with people. I got a little bit of studying done, not a whole lot. More or less just dinked around for a while before class. Head into my first class to take a quiz first off, did OK not sure yet how I did, the teacher hasn't posted the grades. Maybe missed one or two. That's fine with me!! Class just seemed to drag after that even though there was a lot of information to go over.

The second class of the day is the longest. We started out by watching a movie made by Discovery about Maternity and the birth process. Interesting video but people in class were enough to drive me nuts today. The projector only goes so high on the volume so those of us that took the video seriously could barely hear at times. After that was over, we took a break then went back to lecture. Towards the end of class people were asking questions, questions that I wanted to listen to the answers for, they seemed like decent questions. But no some of the people next to me were chattering away being kinda rude about it all. And my neighbor who speaks very softly was also trying to talk to me. Half the time I have to ask her to repeat herself, which gets very annoying.

I think people in general were sent to annoy me today. Which isn't always a good thing to do. I didn't get any studying done today after class. Came home and vegged mostly. The day is still pretty young, I may still do some.